Depression Isn’t An Emotion

 Depression isn’t an emotion. It’s an indication that something is being suppressed. When we “press down” — or depress — our emotions to avoid feeling them, everything goes numb. Not just the uncomfortable emotions.

Brené Brown famously says, “You can’t selectively numb emotion.” That means if we numb the painful or “negative” feelings, we also numb the pleasant or “positive” ones. This is why life loses its vibrancy and purpose — why we no longer take pleasure in the things we used to. These are the hallmark signs of depression.

In order to feel joy, we have to allow ourselves to feel sorrow.

When grief, anger, or fear feels too overwhelming, we shut down and close off to numb the pain. And we live in a society that is almost obsessed with avoiding discomfort. We are constantly offered ways to tune out, distract, or escape rather than pause and face what hurts.

But emotions are like toddlers or puppies — they want attention. When ignored, they get louder and louder until we finally listen. We can spend decades holding them back. Much like trying to hold a beach ball under water, it’s not too difficult at first, but eventually we get exhausted and can’t hold them down anymore. The floodgates open and all of it comes out — sometimes as anger, other times as overwhelming sadness and tears.

The Many Ways We Distract Ourselves

Our culture gives us endless options for numbing and distraction. Some are obvious, others are so normalized that we don’t even notice we’re doing them. It’s important to remember that these coping strategies aren’t bad — they’re ways we’ve learned to survive and get through hard seasons. There is no shame in that. The goal is simply to bring awareness to them. Once we notice how we are coping, we have more choice about whether those strategies are still serving us — or if it’s time to try something different.

• Busyness: Packing our schedules so there’s no space to feel.

• Overworking: Making productivity and achievement our identity.

• Overfunctioning: Taking care of everyone else so we never have to slow down.

• Perfectionism: Trying to control life so we don’t have to face messy feelings.

• Intellectualizing: Thinking about or analyzing and explaining feelings instead of feeling them.

• Spiritual bypassing: Using “good vibes only” or “everything happens for a reason” to avoid sitting with pain.

• Substance use: Using substances like alcohol or other drugs to escape or numb.

• Overconsumption: Scrolling endlessly, binge-watching, eating, shopping- even exercise, can be a way to avoid.

• Constant Noise: Always having music, TV, or podcasts on so silence doesn’t surface uncomfortable thoughts.

• People-Pleasing & Caretaking: Focusing on others’ needs at the expense of our own.

• Overhelping: Becoming everyone’s “fixer” so we can avoid our own pain.

Some of these coping strategies might bring short-term relief, but they also keep us disconnected from ourselves, which keeps us disconnected from joy.

Starting to Feel Again

You don’t have to open the floodgates all at once. Here are some gentle ways to reconnect with yourself and your emotions:

• Pause or Slow Down: Take three slow, deep breaths to remind your nervous system it’s safe.

• Ground Yourself: Feel your feet on the floor and press them gently down.

• Gentle Movement: Shake out your hands, roll your shoulders, stretch your spine. Movement helps emotions flow through the body instead of staying stuck.

• Go for a Walk or Dance: Even just a song’s worth of movement can shift your state.

• Offer Yourself Soothing Touch: Place a hand on your heart or belly and notice your breath.

• Journal: Writing down your thoughts and feelings, without censoring yourself, helps you articulate what’s happening inside and create space for processing

Finding the Right Words

Sometimes we go numb because we don’t have the words for what we’re feeling. An emotional wheel can help you name emotions with more precision.

Start with the center of the wheel — big feelings like sad, angry, scared, happy — and move outward to find more specific words.

Instead of just “sad,” you might notice you feel lonely or hopeless.
Instead of just “angry,” you might realize you feel betrayed or frustrated.

Naming what you feel turns something vague and scary into something you can work with.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Healing from depression and emotional numbness isn’t about forcing yourself to “think positive.” It’s about slowly, gently making space for what you’ve been holding down — so that joy, meaning, and vitality can return.

Eva