This Is What Healing Actually Looks Like Part 9

Written By Eva Whitmer, LPC, NPT-C

How To Tell Someone You’re Dysregulated

One of the hardest parts of this work
is bringing it into relationships.

It’s one thing to recognize:
“I’m dysregulated.”

It’s another thing to say it out loud.

In the moment.
When you’re activated.

Because it can feel like:

  • you’re shutting the other person down

  • you’re avoiding the conversation

  • or you’re doing something wrong

But learning how to communicate this clearly
is one of the most regulating things you can do.

It doesn’t have to be perfect.

It just has to be honest.

It might sound like:

  • “I’m getting overwhelmed and I don’t want to say something I don’t mean.”

  • “I need a few minutes to calm down so I can actually hear you.”

  • “This matters to me, and I want to come back to it when I’m more grounded.”

  • “I’m not walking away from you—I just need to regulate.”

Notice what that does.

You’re not abandoning the conversation.

You’re protecting it.

Because staying in it while dysregulated
usually leads to:

  • defensiveness

  • escalation

  • saying things you don’t actually mean

Taking space—when it’s communicated well—
creates safety for both people.

Now, the other side of this:

You have to come back.

Regulation is not a way to exit hard conversations forever.

It’s a way to engage in them more effectively.

So part of this work is building trust:

“I will step away when I need to…
and I will return when I’m able.”

That’s what creates security.

Not perfection.

Consistency.

And over time, this changes the entire dynamic.

Because instead of reacting to each other—

You’re responding with awareness.

Warmly,

Eva

Eva Whitmer, LPC, NPT-C

Eva Whitmer, LPC, is a licensed trauma therapist in Kansas specializing in relational trauma, anxiety, and nervous system healing. She helps individuals move beyond traditional talk therapy by integrating evidence-based and experiential approaches that create lasting change.

With both professional training and lived experience of trauma, Eva understands how difficult it can be to trust, feel safe in your body, and truly let go of the past. Her work goes deeper than surface-level coping—guiding clients into meaningful transformation through modalities such as EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic therapy, and Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy.

Eva is passionate about helping clients reconnect with themselves, regulate their nervous systems, and step into a life of greater freedom, authenticity, and resilience. Her approach is intuitive, compassionate, and tailored to each individual’s healing process.

https://www.therisingsol.com
Next

This Is What Healing Actually Looks Like Part 8