The Need to Feel Something

Feeling Through the Numb

Some people really enjoy rain heads in the shower—the gentle pressure is calming, grounding. Personally, I prefer something with more intensity. A stronger stream feels more soothing to me. Neither is right or wrong—just different.

This got me thinking about how trauma wires us in unique ways.

Many people who have experienced trauma tend to have a higher threshold for pain. We often learn to numb ourselves—not just to physical pain, but emotional pain, too. And here’s the thing: physical and emotional pain activate the same parts of the brain. When you've been in a chronic state of emotional numbing, it can take more intensity to feel anything.

You might notice preferences like deep tissue massage over gentle touch, rougher textures over smooth, or gravitate toward high-intensity experiences—CrossFit, marathons, extreme sports, even gambling or self-harm. These are all ways of trying to feel something after years of feeling nothing at all.

But emotional numbing doesn’t always look so dramatic. Sometimes it shows up as overworking, binging media, endless scrolling, compulsive shopping, substance use, or micromanaging everyone around you. It can even look like high-functioning codependency. These behaviors often serve to keep us busy enough that we never have to sit still—never have to face what might come up when we do.

Trauma is often either too much, too soon, too fast—or too little, too late. And it’s almost always compounded by a lack of adequate support afterward. So we try to manage the overwhelm, or fill the emptiness, the best way we know how—often through intensity, distraction, or avoidance.

Therapy is meant to be a place where you can slowly learn to be with yourself—with support. It’s where you can develop the tools to meet your emotions with presence and compassion instead of avoidance or self-judgment. If you don’t already know how to do this, it’s not because something is wrong with you. It’s because no one ever showed you how.

You're not broken. You're learning. And healing is possible.

Eva