Regulation

This is the last of a four part series.  You can find past issues here, here, and here.

Learning to Self-Soothe

When we’re triggered, our systems can get thrown off balance, leading to dysregulation. And when we’re dysregulated, we often seek outside people or things to restore that balance (though this is different from co-regulation, which I’ll cover in another issue). Dysregulation can show up in various ways, like:

- Feeling a pressing need to “fix” things immediately
- Avoiding emotions—either yours or others’—feeling paralyzed or procrastinating
- Overindulging in substances or activities to numb or distract (e.g., food, alcohol, shopping, etc.)
- Experiencing irritability, impulsivity, defensiveness, or outbursts
- Disrupted sleep or an urge to sleep excessively
- A strong drive for perfection or being “right”
- Harsh self-judgments, feeling “never enough,” or even thoughts of escape or self-harm

It’s common to think that if someone or something would change, the pain would vanish. But the relief we seek is found within ourselves. When we feel unsafe, our natural response is to fight, flee, or freeze—signaling a lack of safety in our bodies. The quickest way back to a regulated state begins within the body.

Self-Regulation and the Vagus Nerve

Our vagus nerve is the key to feeling calm, clear, connected, and compassionate. Regular self-soothing exercises can help, especially if you’ve lived in dysregulation for some time. With trauma, dysregulation can feel "normal," making it easier to fall back into familiar patterns. Practicing regulation allows your body to understand what balance feels like and can keep you from slipping into unhealthy cycles.

Bringing Yourself Back to Balance

Self-regulation requires honesty and accountability. Are you relying on others to bring you comfort or balance? Have you unknowingly handed over your power to external sources, believing the lie that you lack agency? It’s time to reclaim that control by practicing presence.

To ground yourself in the here and now by stimulating the vagus nerve:

- Observe your surroundings: count colors and textures, feel the support of the chair under you, notice any scents or sounds.
- Slow your breathing, lengthening each inhale and exhale.
- Try a simple exercise—turn your eyes fully left and hold for 20 seconds, then switch to the right.
- Go outside and walk barefoot to ground yourself. (Earth is 7.83 Hz)
- Experiment with activities like a gentle shake, heel drops, or even “horsey lips” (blowing air through loose lips to release tension).
- Dance, stretch, or take a few moments in your kitchen to engage your senses or try essential oils

Healing is simple, not easy, and there’s no quick fix. I encourage you to whisper to yourself, “I am here".  Maybe, with time, the wounded part of you will start to hear and believe it, too.

Sending you so much love,

Eva

Let's practice being present together.  I'm here to support you.