Meeting the Feminine Face of God

This the second part of a two part series. You can find part one here.

From the time of my salvation as a child until just a few years ago, I only knew God in a masculine form.

Strong.
Powerful.
All-knowing.
Just.

A man with broad shoulders, a square jaw, authority in his voice and a heavy step in his foot. 

He was kind. He was loving. But in a far off way. 
I never got too close.

I trusted him enough to sit on his lap—but I stayed ready to hop off the moment he felt displeased.
His anger scared me. His disappointment felt unbearable.
My nervous system had learned that closeness could quickly become unsafe.

I had learned to survive by staying vigilant.
Authority could feel protective, but tenderness felt risky.
This pattern shaped how I interpreted Scripture and experienced God.

Healing required learning the difference between power that protects and relational patterns that repeat harm without repair.

When my faith collapsed under the weight of estrangement from my children, I entered a place of desperation.

And desperation makes us brave.

I explored things I had been taught to fear.

Yoga. Breathwork. Sound baths. 

Meditation. Grounding. Dancing.

I expected punishment.

What I received instead was presence.

She answered me.

And that shocked me more than anything.
I realized she had always been there—I had just been taught to ignore her voice.

What I am only now understanding is that this is the feminine face of God.

She is soft and patient.
She is forgiving and warm.
She is ever-hopeful.
She speaks in rhythm and sensation, not command.
She holds. She waits. She listens. She flows.

She steadied my heart when I didn’t know how to stand.
She reminded me how to take up space I didn’t know I was allowed to occupy.
She caught me over and over again.

Scripture tells us that God created humanity in God’s image—male and female.

That means God is not solely masculine.

Masculine and feminine are not the same as biological gender.
Men can be deeply feminine.
Women can be powerfully masculine.
Every human carries both.

God is all the good masculine and all the good feminine.

He is strong and courageous.
She is safe and nurturing.
He protects.
She holds.

Meeting the feminine presence of God allowed my nervous system to finally exhale.
For the first time, closeness did not feel like something I had to manage.

This experience did not replace the masculine nature of God—it gave me deeper understanding of him. 

If anything here resonates, I hope it encourages you to notice the ways your nervous system might be shaping your experience of God, love, and safety.

Healing and spiritual growth are not about abandoning what you know—they are about discovering fullness where it has been missing.

God meets us in all our questions, in our longing, and in the places our hearts have learned to brace.

May you feel the freedom to explore both the strength and tenderness of God, and the courage to trust that you can rest in both.

Eva